I got an invitation for to go to the funeral
To my great disappointment sure the fella didn't die
He then told the manager he was vexed at disappointing us
And he'd apologise if we could let the thing go by.
To make up for disappointing us he brought us out and treated us
He called for pints of porter for the company attend
Until some fella questioned him whose money was he squandering
He put the fella's eyelid into mourning there and then.

When the owner of the beershop he saw all of us a-coming
He gave orders to evict us but of course we did refuse
He whistled on some lodgers that were sitting in the corner
And for ten and fifty minutes we were badly abused.
Then we left the beer shop and down the streets a-staggering
A crowd of corner boys started belting us with mud
We asked them to go easy and they said that they were doing it
Then we turned on them and left them lying where stood.

The next thing we encountered was a band of Salvationers
They rifled all our pockets and then asked if we were saved
Little Don McGinty got escorted to the station house
For asking a policeman if his appetite was shaved.
To raise McGinty's bail we all took off our undershirts
And straightway to the pawnshop we took the jolly lot
We asked the man for ten and six, the price to free McGinty
“He has had enough already,” was the answer that we got.

But we got the ten and sixpence and went off to free McGinty
But the devil take the beershop, it met us on the way
We couldn't pas the corner without having some refreshments
We spent every penny of the fine we had to pay.
We bought a concertina to have the high hilarity
Though none of us could play it though we tried our best and worst
We made enough noise with it that if it were any benefit
We handled it so gentle that the bellows it did burst.

Then we bought some hot potatoes for to mend the concertina
Someone hit Moloney with the carcas of a cat
He buttoned up his whiskers and began to read the riot act
And swore he'd put two heads upon the divil that done that.
Maloney hit McCluskey and McCluskey hit some other man
Every man hit any man with whom he owed a spite
And the cripple McNamara who was sitting saying nothing
Got a crack that broke his eyes for not engaging in the fight.

A little drink, it was innocent, the sense was nearly out of us
And for a bit of rioting we quickly did prepare
We battered one another till we weren't worth three ha'pence
I'm sure there was a carpet in the floor with skin and hair
We battered left and right till the police separated us
They marched us off to jail, broken noses and black eyes
They marched me off to prison and for me it was a lesson
To never go to funerals until the people die.