(Teacher
Sings)
And everyone should get along..
Ok children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce your new substitute teacher for
the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quite down please
Brian don't throw that.. (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out
with limonia
(HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady...

(Verse 1-Eminem)
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say Hi Bob, ("Hi Bob")
Bob's 30 and still lives with his Mom and he don't got a job
Cause Bob just sits at home and smokes pot
With his 12 year old brother looks up to him off a lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
And wait in the parkin' lot for waitresses off the clock
When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his
dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping block (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
The ladies would be so afraid, they would drop the charge
Till one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy, a novice rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's and get Bob a "Dr"
He grabbed Stace by the legs, he chopped it off her
And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off the wander
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
And what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you

(Chorus)
See children, drugs are bad (c'mon)
And If you don't believe me, ask ya Dad (ask him, man)
And If you don't believe him, ask ya Mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
And there's really nothing else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad mmm k...

(Verse 2-Eminem)

My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
Fuck no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids 2 hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in ya back
Meet Zach, 21 years old
After hangin' out with some friends at a frat party
He gets bold, and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five
guys
And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse
And his pulse goes into hyperdrive, and his eyes roll back in his
skull (blblblblblb)
And his back starts ta...look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin'[bleh]
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him"
'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing
Except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
And his back and his shoulders, hunched up as if he's
practicin' yoga
And that's the story of Zach, ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels, class, 'cause it's bad for
you

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 3-Eminem)

And last but not least,
One of the most humungous problems among young people today is
fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, bag it
up,
and you put it right in ya mouth and chew it...Yum Yum
Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em...
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in g-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a g-string?)
It's yarn, Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms?
I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Oh)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But ya mom and dad know that's all I'm good at (oh)
But don't be me, cause if ya grow up and ya go and OD
They're gonna come for me and I'm a have to grow a goatee
And get a disguise and hide, 'cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't, 'cause I'm bad for
you

(Repeat chorus)

(Teacher & Classmates)
Come on, children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKIN' DICK!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (SOUTH PARK IS GONNA SUE ME)
So don't do drugs ( suck my motherfuckin' penis!)
So there'll be more for me (Hippie! Goddamnit!)
(MUSHROOMS KILLED
KENNY)
[fart] Ewww, ahhh!
(So fucked up right now...)
la la la la!