[Verse 1]
I was born with a dick in my brain yeah fucked in the head
my stepfather said that I sucked in the bed
till one night he snuck in and said, "we're going out back- I want my dick sucked in the shed"
can't we just play with Teddy Ruxbin instead?
"After I fuck you in the butt get some head
bust a nut get some rest"
the next day my mother said "I don't know what the fucks up with this kid
the bastard won't even eat nothin he's fed
he just hung himself in the bedroom he's dead"
"Debbie don't let that fucker get you upset
go in there stick a fuckin' cigarette to his neck
I bet you he's faking it, I'll bet you I'll bet
he probably just wants to see how upset you would get
I'll go handle this of course unless you object"
"Aw go fuck his brains out if any's left in his head"
[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane
if you could count the skeletons in my closet under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I've completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane
[Verse 2]
Did you get him? Naw the fucker tried to bite my face off
I just got fuckin' chased off with a chainsaw
then he took the chainsaw bit the fuckin' blades off
ate the blades stuck a baseball in a slingshot
then he aimed at his own face let the thang pop
took his eye out picked it up and played pang-pong
then he played pang-pong with his own dang dong
that motherfucker's got nuts like Kang Kong
then he set the lawnmower out on the dang lawn
and he laid all up underneath it with the thang on
then he took his pants he took every fucking thang off
everythang 'cept his tank top and his training bra
ain't he raw? Yeah, maniac that's Shady dog
man that motherfucker's gangsta, ain't he dog?
Shady dog what be goin' through that fuckin' brain of yours?
say no more, what the fuck you waitin' for sang along
[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane
if you could count the skeletons in my closet under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I've completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane
[Verse 3]
Don't you know what feltch means? Yeah- well then tell me
would you rather get feltched or do the feltching?
Fuck 'em in the ass suck the come out while you're belching
(burp) burp belch and go back for a second helping
can you dig what I'm sayin' man can you smell me?
I want you to feel me like my stepfather felt me
fuck a little puppy kick the puppy while he's yelping
Shady what the fuck you saying? I don't know help me
what the fucks happening? I think I'm fucking melting
"Marshall I just love you boy I care about your well being"
no dad I said no, I don't need no help peeing, I'm a big boy I can do it by myself see
I only get naked when the babysitter tells me
whe showed me a movie like "Nightmare on Elm Street"
but it was X and they called it "Pubic Hair on Chelsea"
"well this one's called "Ass Rape" and were shooting the jail scene"
[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane
if you could count the skeletons in my closet under my bed and up under my faucet
then you would know I've completely lost it
is he nuts? No, he's insane