A princess, yes,
A princess, yes,
A Disney princess, yes yes yes!
And a princess knows,
That the story goes,
Once upon a time and after that, it sucks.
…Blows.

With skin as white as snow,
In floral curtains head to toe,
I daily twitter ‘Oh oh oh!’
And just in a Disney way,
Oh! Just in a Disney way,
Yes, just in a Disney way!

I never get obese,
I talk to ducks and geese,
They wet themselves on the mantelpiece,
But just in a Disney way!

And Oh!
Isn’t it grand?
My prince is gonna ride here from a far off land!
And so, maybe it’s corny,
But a princess is a girl, you know,
We get a little…
Horny!

My house is made of trees,
I sweep it free of leaves,
Sing along with the song ‘bout the birds and the bees,
But just in a Disney way!

I dance around and hum,
Hook spindles with my thumb,
Fall asleep while I wait for my prince to come…
But just in a Disney way

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee,
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,

My Prince was on his way,
To breach me from the fray,
And later on we’d hey-hey-hey…
But just in a Disney way!

He knelt for me,
I looked at him,
We drank ourselves to oblivion,
He rode me home,
I took him in,
But just in a Disney way!

And Oh!
Wasn’t he swell?
Although in truth he got it wrong,
He thought that I was Cinderella,
Oh!
Why is it so?
All I want’s a wealthy heir to climb my hair and say ‘Hello.’

This prince, well he’s a bum,
He swoons at nauseum,
As far as fairies go, this prince, he sure is one.
He’d rather ride his horse than me,
He’s rather sit it on his knee,
This isn’t how it’s meant to be!
No, Dammit!
Not in a Disney way!

Well I’ve got Dwarves, dwarves,
Little people, little people,
Little people, dwarves, little people, little people,
Dwarves, dwarves,
Little people, little people,
Dwarves, dwarves, dwarves,
Sweep, sweep,
Clean, clean, clean,
Sweep, sing, cook, clean,
Sweep, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet,
Sing, sing,
Sleep, sleep,
Sing, sing,
Sleep, SLEEP!
Sleep…

Shalom, good evening, my friends,
I’d like to introduce you to example two,
A girl we knew,
It’s sad but true,
Cinderella.
She’s a bit of a mess,
A pumpkin is her carriage and she’s slipperless,
But still, she caught a prince,
She got a dress,
She got a couple o’ other things we probably shouldn’t readdress,
But she’s a princess, yes!
And I’ve gotta live with these seven randy little
Flahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee,
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,

So,
It wasn’t meant to be,
No prince was sent for me,
No love to last eternally,
And not in a Disney way,
Been knocked up by a troll,
Who has no heart or soul,
But fell right down my rabbit hole,
And not in a Disney way.

And oh!
Isn’t it Bliss?
Even Shirley Temple never had to deal with shit like this!
And Oh!
Couldn’t I cry?
Us older girls don’t stand a chance we’re not enhanced by CGI,
CGI!

And dwarves, dwarves,
Little people, little people,
Dragons, witches, swords,
But I want love!
And only in a Disney…
WAY!
Ok!