I went so numb on Christmas day
I couldn't feel my hands or feet
I shouldn't have come
She made me pay
For gleaming with Donald down her street
She put blame on him
And shame on me
She made it all seem so tawdry and cheap
"Oh, let's be nice, Mama, open up your gifts
You know, happiness is the best facelift"

I mean, after all, she introduced us
Oh, but she regrets that now
Shacked up downtown
Making love without a license
Same old sacred cow
She said, "Did you come home to disgrace us?"
I said, "Why is this joy not allowed?
For God's sake, I'm middle-aged, Mama
And time moves swift
And you know happiness is the best facelift"

Oh, love takes so much courage
Love takes so much shit
He said "You've seen too many movies, Joni"
She said "Snap out of it!"
Oh, the cold winds blew at our room with a view
All helpful and hopeful and candlelit
We kissed the angels and the moon eclipsed
You know, Happiness is the best facelift

We pushed the bed up to the window
To see the Christmas lights
On the east bank across the steaming river
Between the bridges lit up Paris-like
This river has run through both our lives
Between these banks of our continuing delights
Bless us, don't let us lose the drift
You know, Happiness is the best facelift.