i am afraid to talk. i make
enough material but i haven’t
made enough material
to make a bed better.
i haven’t licked all of the spoons
clean yet and i want to go swimming
but both of my arms
are broken. i draw a map on my body,
one line for each time i said: no.
it is difficult to follow.
i followed it and got lost.

sometimes my hands seize up
when i am wrestling with a button
or a clasp. sometimes when i put
my hand on someone else’s hand
i become a river and they become
a river. sometimes when i am a
river and you are a river then i am
the kind of river that cries a lot
and you are the kind of river that
makes fun of me for crying a lot.

i put sunscreen on my teeth and ask
the only other girl on the beach
if she will drown me.